My addiction affects me every day. It influences almost every choice I make. The repercussions of my addiction affect my job, my marriage, and all my relationships. My addiction has helped me progress in life in some ways but in other ways, it has brought me to my knees as my spirit and physical body cry out in agony. I work for a church and my life is dedicated to loving people and serving the Lord. This isn’t something many people are talking about but I think it is time for me to go public with what I have been dealing with. I am here today to confess that I am addicted to… busyness.
It is almost impossible for me to sit still with a singular focus. I am always multi-tasking, going from one thing to the next. The moment I have some downtime where I can rest and relax, I end up creating a new project for myself. I don’t even realize how unnecessary it is until I am already halfway in and find myself stressed out because “I never have time to rest and slow down”. I look back at some of the things I have done and I realize how goofy my decision-making is. The church gives us a good amount of paid time off days, so I decided to use some a couple of weeks ago. I really struggled to not continue tinkering with work projects even though I was supposed to be off! There was one day when I thought I was on a good trajectory. I slept in a little bit, went to my favorite local coffee show, and enjoyed a latte and a book that is teaching me how to “slow down” (oh, the irony!). I was thinking to myself “good job Cody, you are getting the hang of slowing down to rest and spend time with your Creator, keep up the good work”. I went on a nature walk and was soaking up God’s masterful creation. Then I got in the car. I randomly binge-watched Youtube videos on how to launch your own side hustle business by selling specific items on eBay. I watched videos for an hour on 2x speed, allowing me to devour the information even quicker. The next thing I know, I’m at Marshall’s buying $300 worth of clothing, wallets, UV light phone disinfectant mechanisms, and men’s tweezers. I ran home and spent the next 2 hours uploading all these items to eBay with pictures, descriptions, and carefully calculated starting bid prices. I realized when I was done that I was completely exhausted and had sabotaged my rest day! I had little free time left and threw myself into senseless busyness. I already know that you’re thinking that I could be diagnosed with some impulsivity disorder, BUT I just want you to know that, well, okay maybe I have an impulsivity disorder (Just kidding! I don’t. Stop judging me). We may not consciously be trying to prove our worth by “doing” but oftentimes that idea is rooted somewhere in our spirit and identity.
Do you struggle to slow down? Do you wrestle with finding your identity in the things you can do and achieve rather than who you are? If you do, I get it. I am on the journey with you. Let me say right away; YOU ARE ENOUGH. No matter what you can accomplish or how much you fail, who you are matters much more than what you can do. Jesus’ identity was grounded in being his Fathers’ son BEFORE he ever even engaged in the doing of public ministry. In the first 30 years of Jesus’ life, he didn’t seem to have done anything extraordinary or noteworthy. Before his public ministry began, the Father said to him, “You are my son, who I love; with you, I am well pleased” (Luke 3:22). And I think he feels the same way about those of us who are Christ-followers! Before we do anything, just because he is our creator and he loves us dearly, I can picture God saying to all of you that just because you exist in a relationship with Him… “You are my son.” “You are my daughter.” “I love you. I am pleased with you.” God is not saying “I love you but will be pleased with you once your lifetime tithes given to the church accumulate to $100,000.” He will never say “I will love you once you stop sinning.” He loves you just because you exist!. Not only does He love you, but He is pleased with you. He may not be pleased with some of the specific stuff that y’all be doin, but there isn’t anything you can do or not do to make him love you more or less. Our identity should be rooted in Luke 3:22.
If you are a fellow busy addict like me and you are on a journey (or need to be!) to slow down to BE more, I would encourage you to get one of author Pete Scazzero’s books. His book “The Emotionally Healthy Leader” has been a catalyst for growth in my own life. It has given me a healthy biblical framework that encourages slowing down to be in a more emotionally healthy Union with our heavenly Father.
Sincerely, your fellow “doing” addict,
Cody Michener
Here is the amazon link to a book that has been life-changing for me personally: