Recently on one of those spring days when it was pouring down rain, I took my two granddaughters to Chick-Fil-A. They love the food, but I knew they would enjoy using the indoor play area just as much. Apparently, lots of other parents and grandparents had the same idea because the play area was packed.
We sat down and ate our lunch but it was obvious the girls were preoccupied with the play area full of children. Kinzley, who is 9 years old, finished her lunch in record time and then immediately went to play. Emmy, who is 3 years old, ate her lunch more reservedly and then meandered over to the play area. I could tell she didn’t want to go in.
I took a picture of her as she stood about eight feet away from the door. I could tell she was experiencing an inner battle about whether to go in. I was unexpectedly hit with a wave of emotions as I witnessed this because it immediately took me back to my childhood where I had experienced multitudes of similar inner battles. At the risk of sounding dramatic, my introversion had been crippling at times – many times. I remember well being on the outside looking in.
Watching my sweet Emmy in that state reminded me of my younger self so much that I actually started crying right there in the restaurant. My emotions overcame me as I thought back to how I often had not been able to bring myself to be a part of many activities and moments. Now I was witnessing this in my granddaughter. I empathized deeply with her pain, her conflicting desire to belong and yet remain apart. She eventually moved up to the glass by the door to watch the other children. About thirty minutes later when the kid count went down to three, she finally and hesitantly entered the play area.
How often are you on the outside looking in? I still have occasional moments, even as an adult, where I physically feel like I cannot join a conversation or go to a party. I am sometimes happier just to observe. I understand what it means to be on the outside looking in.
On the Outside Looking In
I have a friend who served faithfully at Bridgeway. She recently had a period of time where she had to start working on Sundays for a project which meant she could not attend our Sunday services in person. When the project was completed, she didn’t come back. When I repeatedly asked her about coming back, she said, “I love Bridgeway and everybody there, but my faith in God is not as strong as everyone else’s, so I am not sure I belong.” On the outside looking in.
I have heard so many people comment about how after COVID, it was so much easier to just stay home and watch online. On the outside looking in.
I have also heard people who attend regularly talking about not wanting to take a step to serve or to join a group or to become a partner because they haven’t befriended enough people or they are simply afraid to make a commitment to a church after their past experiences. On the outside looking In.
Where in your life are you on the outside looking in?
Is it Spiritually? Are you engaging in relationship-building practices with God, like daily Bible study, prayer, and Bible memorization? Do you just feel like you cannot make yourself do them? Do you need some help? Do you just need to make them a priority?
Is it Physically? Are you attending church services and having fellowship with believers? We see in the early church when they devoted themselves to fellowship (Acts 2:42). While we love our virtual options and encourage you to use them – like Wednesday Night Alive, sometimes you just need to be physically present in person in order to experience the fellowship that leads to friendships.
Is it Relationally? Are you pursuing godly relationships with those who will help you grow and build into you and you into them? Like Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Are you a sharpener? Do you have sharpeners in your life?
Take it from this life-long introvert who understands about being on the outside looking in. It’s not always good to stay on the outside. Sometimes you need to go in! I want to encourage you today to take steps to come into the Inside of your life and not just be on the outside looking in. Be more than an observer of church life, school life, home life, or even your spiritual, physical, or relational life. Just take a step in.
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