Triggered or Discerning? Learning to Tell the Difference
Not long ago, I gave a message to our youth group about something that affects every one of us, both students and adults, but isn’t always easy to put into words: what’s going on underneath when we’re feeling reactive, emotionally hijacked, or overwhelmed by something that, on the surface, seems small.
I opened with a truth that I wish more people had heard when they were young:
Being triggered doesn’t make you weak. It just means there is an opportunity for you to invite God into your experience, or there is something in you that can be healed.
Let’s talk about that.
Tug of War: The Two Voices Inside Us
We’ve all been there. A moment hits, and someone says something, or doesn’t. A situation unfolds, and suddenly you’re spinning. And inside your head, two voices show up:
One says you’re not safe and you should be cautious.
The second says you’re reading too much into this and you need to relax.
Sound familiar? One voice comes from fear or old wounds, while the other is usually rooted in reason or the Holy Spirit. It’s a tug-of-war between discernment and a trigger. And that internal confusion? That’s the tension between past pain and present wisdom. We need to learn how to tell them apart.
So, What’s the Difference?
Discernment is Spirit-led clarity. It’s wisdom that often brings peace, even if it tells you something difficult. It might say, That person isn’t trustworthy or You need to take a step back here, but it speaks calmly, not chaotically.
I remember one time when I was a teenager working at a movie theatre. I was cleaning one of the theatres alone and there was only one other guest in there with me. The man began talking with me and he got closer and closer to me. I felt nervous. Was it because I had seen too many scary movies where situations like this always ended up really bad. Or was it because God was prompting me to be nervous because I was actually in danger? As he got closer and closer to me, and I became more and more nervous, the moment climaxed to me feeling in my spirit “RUN NOW!”. I literally ran out the theatre so fast. A couple weeks later I found out that, that exact man actually arrested for some pretty heinous crimes. Praise God for discernment!
A trigger, though? That’s when something current pulls on something old. It feels immediate and all-consuming. But the intensity isn’t about the moment, it’s about something deeper you may not have fully healed from.
Early in our dating stages, my now wife Raven would give me compliments on my physical appearance. Instead of being like wow, this is great, she’s really into me, I responded very differently. For lack of a better way to explain it, I began to accuse her of lying because I demanded she didn’t actually feel that way. This is not at all because she’s dishonest, that I didn’t want to believe her, or that I think I’m ugly. I responded that way to her in that moment because of previous experiences and memories that I had, that I had not yet healed from. I imposed past experiences and lack of trust in others onto my present situation, at that time. It was almost as if I was emotionally transported back to a different time situation, and hurt. I was triggered!
Both discernment and a trigger can feel big. But one leads you toward peace, and the other floods you with fear.
Many triggers are developed because of things others have done to us. A lot of times triggers stem from sin, wrongs, and very unfair circumstances. Despite this painful reality, we are still fully responsible for communicating and managing our own triggers. While we can make others aware and ask for prayer and support with out triggers, we should not make others responsible for them.
Please note: being triggered is not the same as someone annoying you or your co-worker doing one of your pet peeves. In the world we live in now, especially around young people, the term “I’m triggered” is jokingly thrown around to describe how they feel when Cold Stone Creamery is out of their favorite topping. That is not the expression of the phrase that I am using here.
What We Do to Cope
When we’re triggered, most of us don’t know what to do, so we reach for what’s familiar. Here are four unhealthy (but common) strategies:
Numb – We distract ourselves. Scroll, eat, binge shows, and busy ourselves into oblivion.
Ignore – We pretend nothing’s wrong. Smile and power through.
Override – We throw a Bible verse or motivational quote on it and move on too fast.
Shame – We judge ourselves. “I shouldn’t be feeling this. What’s wrong with me?”
These feel like protection in the moment. But they keep us from healing.
Being vulnerable, the coping mechanism that I tend to exhibit and lead with is oftentimes shame. I often feel like too much time has passed for me to “still be dealing” with a certain emotion. I feel that I should be “past this by now” and “it’s my duty as a man not to burden those around me with my lack of healing”. When I do feel like I am burdening others with my emotions that I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling, I feel guilty about it.
A Better Way Forward
Instead of reacting, I offered our students a simple process. One that you can use too:
Pause → Identify → Investigate → Invite God In
Pause – Don’t react yet. Take a breath.
Identify – What am I feeling? What story am I telling myself?
Investigate – Is this pain from the past, or a warning in the present?
Invite God In – Ask the Holy Spirit: What’s true? What’s not? Where are You in this?
You’re not called to push down your feelings. You’re invited to walk through them with God.
Scripture That Anchors Us
We don’t need to be afraid of our emotions when we have truth to hold onto:
“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is good.” – Romans 12:2
“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” – Isaiah 55:8
“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
Let scripture anchor your investigation, not bypass it.
What I Want Our Students (and All of Us) to Know
We all react. We all feel deeply. That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re human.
It means God wants to meet you in that exact place.
It means there’s healing ahead if you’re willing to slow down and do the work.
So next time something sets you off, pause. Ask yourself, “What’s the story I’m telling myself right now?” Be curious, not furious. And remember, real safety and healing happen in spaces where we feel seen, known, and connected.
This is the kind of environment we’re building in our youth ministry. A space where students don’t have to fake being fine. A space where faith and real life meet. A space where healing is possible.
And if no one’s told you lately, let me say it again:
You’re not weak for being triggered. You’re human. And healing is possible.